can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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