i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize