I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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