the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
