we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
