she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
