So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
