I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
