Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Randomize
