do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
