She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
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