Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
