I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
