she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
