I think I won the penis lottery.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
