I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
This is my gift to your gina
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize