i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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