Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
