you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
operation have a gay friend backfired
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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