it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
