shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize