What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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