he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I look better un-naked...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize