Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
