You just made me feel so damn special
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
