He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
