The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
