Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Randomize