The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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