I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize