Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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