Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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