I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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