i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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