The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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