My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
How does one acquire holy water?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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