Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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