the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
