Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
