Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
