I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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