from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
