I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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