Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
