You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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