Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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