I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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