that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Can I color on your dick again?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
