I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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