i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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