Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
