i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
