sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
