You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
