he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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