im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
