If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
