He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
