I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
