I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
i've created a new STD.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
