I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
