Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
