i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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