6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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