I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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