saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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