I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize