Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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