and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
