For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I am midnight drunk by noon
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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