You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I am available for nakedness
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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