Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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