The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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