On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
