I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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