Yo dont text me then not text me
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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