is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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