I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
